if finders were keepers
by queenforbes
Summary: Human AU where Caroline, Enzo, Rebekah, Katherine, Elena, Bonnie and Kol are all locked inside Mystic Falls High School for the night. And it's all Kol's fault. Also, did anyone order two Salvatore brothers, topped with stolen money? One thing's for sure - this is one night nobody's going to forget.
1. credo nos in fluctu edodem esse

**a/n:** a new story! And it's all friendship! Sorry not sorry but there's no romance in this story either. I don't know - brotps, everyone, my new thing. Okay, so this isn't really a anyone-centric story, just something fun and light-ish to make anyone laugh.

I hope you guys enjoy it - and please review!

**.**

**if finders were keepers**

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_credo nos in fluctu edodem esse_

**i think we're on the same wavelength**

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_"There are some things you can't share without ending up liking each other and knocking out a twelve-foot mountain troll is one of them."_

**—JK Rowling**

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"It's your fault," Caroline Forbes announces. She jabs her washcloth towards the general direction where Kol Mikaelson is busy shaking his butt to the sounds of Nicki Minaj and pretending to do work. "You decided it was _imperative_ we fight back against the cruel so-called dictatorship of the new sub."

"Well, it _was_." Kol winces under the powerful scowl Caroline sends him and obediently picks up a washcloth, scrubbing at a table quickly. "This school is a place of chaos and how could we learn under such archaic rule? It was begging for me to help, darling—I assure you."

"You could have mentioned the new sub was your _big brother_!"

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Bonnie Bennett enters the chemistry lab where Caroline has just stopped trying to strangle Kol, with Enzo Malarkey and Rebekah Mikaelson. She brushes her hands off, sits down in a chair and begins, "Okay, so the teacher's room has been taken care of—Enzo, I told you not to—you have to put those _Playboy_ magazines back!"

Kol's ears prick up. "_Playboy_ magazines?"

"Lockwood's been keeping secrets, mate," Enzo chuckles before passing the magazines to Kol. They flick through the pages for a few minutes before realising the chemistry lab has gone deadly silent and glance up to see three stone-faced girls, arms folded, mouths set. "Uh, I mean, Mr Lockwood should—be respecting women."

"Yeah," Kol nods as his sister glowers harder, "Like we do. Go women!"

"Such gentleman," Rebekah scoffs before tearing the magazines from their hands and dropping them into the bin. Kol lets out a tiny melancholy sigh. "Caroline, the teacher's room is all done—where's Kat and the other one?"

"For goodness' sake, Kat, would it really kill you to help out, just _once_?" a whining voice echoes as soon as Rebekah's question starts to hang in the air.

Katherine Petrova walks in like she owns the place, pouting mouth and gorgeous curls. "No, I guess," she says to her sister, Elena, who follows with less confidence, doe-y eyes and pin-straight hair that covers her face. "But it would chip my nails—and I _just_ got them done, sis."

Before Elena can protest anymore, Caroline interrupts. She claps her hands and waits for everyone to listen properly while Kol throws pitiful looks at the bin every once in a while. "Okay, so we're all done? Everyone's finished with their respective rooms so we can all just go home, thank God." Caroline takes charge, leading the way out of the science block and into the reception.

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Enzo lopes casually to catch up with Caroline. "Anyone ever told you, gorgeous, you need to relax?"

"Yes, Enzo. You. Many times."

Bonnie asks Elena about their English homework. "So do we have to write about our holidays because the only interesting thing that happened was when Caroline accidentally dyed her hair blue..."

Rebekah stays back to make sure Kol doesn't pick up the magazines and demands to know where Katherine got her nails done. The two then dive into schemes of revenge to pull on the sub, Elijah Mikaelson, because family may be family but that didn't stop Elijah when he decided to dump both of his siblings in a "detention that will last as long as it takes for you to clean up this entire mess.", now, did it? Always and forever, my ass.

"Are we still on for Movie Night this Saturday?" Caroline asks as she fiddles with the door handles. That's funny ... she pushes some more.

"Yes but I'm not watching _You've Got Mail_ for the twenty seventh time, gorgeous—a man's got to have his limits." Enzo frowns. "What's wrong?"

"The door—," Caroline shoves it with her shoulder. "It's not opening."

"What's going on?" Kol says. He's got a suspicious lump that bulges out of his shirt and the most innocent face he can muster. Rebekah narrows her eyes.

"The door isn't opening, mate!"

Kol glances at Rebekah. He suddenly pushes forwards, winks at Bonnie and says, "Let me try. I work out."

"Playing video games and lying on your butt all day isn't exercise, you idiot," Rebekah calls. Katherine snickers. Mikaelsons ... they're mean to everyone but best of all, they're meanest to each other.

"See, this is the kind of thing that creates super villains—lack of love and encouragement." Kol starts to push the door.

Rebekah rolls her eyes. "You sing _'Everybody Loves Me'_ every day in the bathroom." She doesn't mention the quiet fact that every Mikaelson knows the lyrics and they go all Glee every breakfast—she's very good at the chorus.

Elena pipes up, "It is a _great_ song."

Stepping from heel to heel in anxiety, Caroline joins Kol in pushing the door. She gives up halfway and begins banging on it before Enzo pulls her back. A magazine slides to the floor. Kol feigns ignorance. "Now, where did _that_ come from?"

"We're going to have to face it," Enzo says. "We're trapped. The janitors obviously forgot all about us though how on earth anyone could ever forget Katherine trying to sing P!nk is something I'll never understand."

Offended, Katherine bites, "Watch it, British boy."

"I'm watching, Kitty."

"We're _stuck_?" Bonnie echoes as Katherine starts to pull off her earrings for Rebekah to hold. Elena sighs before tugging Katherine back—_you can't do this, Kat, remember last time?_ Everybody remembers last time. Wes Maxfield has never looked the same since.

"We can't be stuck!" Caroline exclaims. "I still have to finish off my Pinterest board—the Mystic Falls Prom Committee are depending on me!"

Rebekah furrows her eyebrows. "Prom's not for another two years."

"Preparation is key!"

"Well." Smacking his hands together and rubbing them, Kol continues, "Since we're all going to be stuck here and we don't know for how long, I propose we start repopulating. Just in case. Bon-Bon?" he waggles his eyebrows at Bonnie. "Is that a nomination I hear from you?"

"You're disgusting," Bonnie says.

"You know you love me."

"Just let me claw his eyes out—,"

"You should really watch that temper. It's usually a turn-off for boys—,"

"Kat, you have to calm down!"

"For once, Elena's right—Kat, you should calm down. You could ruin your hair and Enzo's not worth _that_."

"You're right. I'm calm, don't worry. But it's still all Kol's fault that we're even in this mess."

"Hey, hey—don't hate, darlings. I didn't force you into anything."

"You tricked us!"

"Elena, you have a temper, don't you? I suppose a girl's first detention is a special one-time thing. Know what else is a one-time thing, Bon-Bon?"

"Stop calling me Bon-Bon!"

"Whatever you say, Bon-Bon. And no, I didn't trick you—I simply changed the facts."

"Mate, you made us ruin the chemistry lab, the teacher's room and the English classroom just to get back at your brother."

Caroline is shaking with anger. "CAN YOU ALL JUST SHUT UP NOW?"

Six pairs of eyes swivel to see the blonde practically seething. Caroline takes a few deep breaths. "Okay, we're going to be stuck here and it may be overnight but we still need a plan." She takes a piece of paper and a pen from the office, scribbling. "First of all, communication—did Mr Mikaelson confiscate all our phones? Kat, Rebekah, you guys are in charge of finding them. Next, a place. Bon, Elena, you two find us a place where we can spend the night if someone doesn't come to get us. Last, we need food. Me and Enzo will go raid the canteen—we meet back here in thirty minutes. Any questions?"

Kol raises a hand. "What do I do?"

"Kol, nobody's feeling too gracious towards you right now," Caroline says bluntly. She sighs. "Just—stay here."

Something flickers in the young Mikaelson's eyes and Rebekah wonders if she should speak up for her brother when Kol grins. "How about I, ahem, _dispose_ of the magazines?"

"_No_, Kol!"

"Touch-_ee_."

"SHUT UP, KOL!"

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A Chevy Camaro rolls up near the school. The guy in the passenger seat blinks blearily, as he sits up.

"Where are we?" Stefan Salvatore yawns.

Pushing at his lips is a smirk, Damon Salvatore glances around. "Mystic Falls, brother—where nothing bad ever happens, remember?"

"You brought us back here?"

"We needed a safe place to lay low. This is the safest place you can get. Stef, I could really go for a _thank you, brother, I'll do anything you want, even sell my soul for a coffee_, right about now." Damon parks the car.

Stefan looks worried. "But where are we going to go? The boarding house—,"

"Thought of that too. Where is the one place nobody will ever go unless they're forced?"

"Prison?" Stefan says sarcastically. He loves his brother but sometimes, Damon can be such a _dick_.

"That's right—no, God, Stefan, we're not going to prison. How are we even related?" Damon rolls his eyes.

Taking the map, Stefan quickly calculates how far they are from Chicago. He smiles slightly—Damon can drive pretty fast when they've got the right motivation. "Fine," he says. "Where are we going?"

"Hope you brought your notebook and pen, Stef—we're going to school."

There's a small silence and then—"How long did it take you to come up with that line?"

"Thought of it all the way here."

"I thought so."

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**to be continued**


	2. raptus regaliter

**a/n:**This story shouldn't be too long - perhaps five chapters or so? Anyhow, this chapter isn't very long and it's not too action-driven, more exposition.

Thank you for all the favourites and the reviews and the follows, I'm very grateful - I hope you enjoy this chapter!

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_raptus regaliter_

**royally screwed**

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His pencil swiftly shadowing in the pages, Klaus Mikaelson deftly strokes in another long, curly lock. He fixes the gorgeous curls, making the beautiful blue eyes bigger. Thinking hard, Klaus decides—yes, he'll make the body far slimmer, her body is always slim, given all the exercise she does. And the lashes, each one dark and striking.

Walking into the room for a pen, Elijah Mikaelson glances curiously at his page. "Another pony, Niklaus?"

Insulted, Klaus opens his mouth to protest but Elijah's mobile rings and he picks up. "Mikaelson Residence, home of King Klaus and his peasants—,"

"Nik, shut the hell up—we haven't got enough time—,"

"Well, sister, I do confess I am _offended_. No, Elijah, _no_, she told me to shut the hell up. You've always taught us to mind our manners, have you not?"

"Nik, I swear—,"

"Swearing, Bekah? Elijah taught you better than that!"

"Nik, the charge—,"

"Exactly! The charging _horse_—do you see, Elijah, she understands it's no pony."

"Not a horse, you imbecile—the phone's charge—,"

"The phone's charge? Rebekah, where are you?"

There is no answer. Fixing his pyjama suit (because you have to look smart everywhere and bedtime is no exception), Elijah stops gesturing furiously to Klaus to give him the phone and frowns. Klaus blinks. "I think something's wrong."

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Rebekah stares at the dead phone. "It's official," she says. "The people of Mystic Falls are complete and utter idiots. Especially my brother—why was he talking about a _horse_, of all things, the moron?"

"Let's be honest, Bekah, Nik's always had the weirdest fascination with horses," Kol puts in before smacking down a card and crowing, "Snap!"

"Snap!" Elena says at the same time, clamping her hand just seconds before Kol slams his own down. She smiles shyly, eyes flicking proudly to Katherine who is bored, flicking through the teacher's drawers.

"That's not fair—you're cheating, Petrova!" Kol exclaims.

In her best Katherine impression, Elena says, "Petrovas don't cheat, we _win_."

Enzo blows his whistle once, twice and once more for good measure. "As official Judge of this game of Snap, I hereby declare Elena Petrova the official snapper, thus making it perfectly liable for her to take all of the cards. Kol, as the loser of the seventh game, your punishment is to—,"

"Strip dance?" Kol waggles his eyebrows at Bonnie.

"Lock himself in the boys bathrooms all night?" Bonnie glares.

"I was going to say 'do a five minute rendition of Call Me Maybe in front of the CCTV' but if you guys need a room...?" Enzo grins as the two begin protesting.

Laughing, Elena swipes up all the cards with a flourish, high fiving Bonnie as Kol pretends he's been stabbed in the heart. Caroline pats Kol's head sympathetically and says, "Looks like we're staying here for the night, you guys," while quickly checking over the burning candles they'd borrowed with no intention, whatsoever, of returning from Ms Fell's desk.

Under Caroline's strict rule—hey, she didn't get made Head of the Prom Committee, The Sexy Suds Wash, and the countless volunteer positions just because she's got a great smile, you know—, the group have made up makeshift beds in the gym, using mats and the drama department props, after eating "dinner" (sandwiches, drinks, crisps), courtesy of Caroline and Enzo who broke into the kitchens. The phone business, however, is a bit difficult as Caroline, Bonnie and Elena left their phones in the office which is locked and Kol wasted his, Rebekah and Enzo's charge by obsessively playing "I'm Sexy And I Know It" every time he walked into his classes (and the classes of everyone else) before the latters found out. Katherine's phone was the only one they could use and Klaus blew that one.

She's a bit surprised everything came together so quickly, to be honest. Everyone worked really well—which is weird, considering that one time with the hiking trip where Enzo swears he didn't throw Kol's bat into the bees nest on purpose (but the Brit had heard Kol making jokes about Caroline's stiff manner so it had to be done, okay—girl code and all that) and Kat decided she'd give up halfway and wouldn't budge until the teachers got to get them and scolded them for not working properly as a team.

What would you say _now_, Mr Lockwood?

What would you say now as you watch Rebekah and Katherine laugh at your pictures in the office? As Elena, Bonnie and Kol play Snap with the cards Mr Saltzman's always trying to get people to play with? As Enzo plays at being official Judge of Snap? As she urges Kol to do his five minute rendition and when he begins, they all beg for him to stop, their ears are bleeding?

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Then there's a crashing sound, doors opening, hushed voices—

"There's no need to be so quiet, Stef. There's nobody here. You worry too much—I keep telling you, worry lines—,"

"The janitor could be here or—,"

"There's nobody, look around. God, it hasn't changed a bit, has it?"

There's the sound of something being knocked over. Rebekah and Katherine hurry back into the gym even as Caroline and Elena blow out the candles as fast as they can.

"Damon! Stop knocking things over—and would you slow down?"

"Too fast for you, little brother?"

The gym doors crash open before any of them can do anything, sharp light flooding into the place. Two men walk inside, eyebrows up at the seven.

"Well, well, well," one of them smirks, "what have we here?"

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"Rebekah said she was going to go to Katherine Petrova's house after the detention and Kol was going to stay with Enzo Malarkey," Klaus says while Elijah adds to his worry lines. "It's just like Rebekah to pull a phone joke on the two of us, Elijah. Remember the time she tricked you into wearing that Armani suit that had gone out of fashion two years ago?"

Shuddering at the memory, Elijah nods. Niklaus is right, he reasons as said brother goes back to drawing ponies. Rebekah is prone to jokes, even if they have disastrous consequences—the Armani suit incident led to all the people at his teacher's meeting laughing at him; even if everyone insists they had no idea, he knows it, he just _knows_ it. They are fine. Completely and utterly fine.

He switches on the TV.

_"...two Salvatore brothers who have just pulled off the heist of the century, stealing over a millions dollars worth in diamonds. We have reason to believe that they are still in Chicago and the police are on their case—,"_

"Salvatore brothers?" Elijah scoffs. "What strange names."

"Elijah, our father's name was Mikael Mikaelson."

"Have you progressed onto unicorns now, Niklaus?"

"For God's sake, Elijah! Nobody in this house appreciates the talent I have—this is no unicorn, this is a manifestation of the beauty that simple horses cannot take, this is an artful representation of the great Pegasus! I am trying to bring the bread to the table and you have the nerve to ask me if this is a simple _unicorn_?"

Artists. So temperamental.

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**to be continued**


	3. re vera, potas bene

**a/n:** the plot thickens! ish. Uh, anyway, new chapter and a ton of new stories as well so, hint hint, check them out?

Also, thank you very much to all the people who reviewed, favourited, followed this story. Your appreciation of these ramblings of mine touches me to the heart! And to answer the guest who asked about the rest of my stories, no, I haven't abandoned them, I've just ... lost interest? I'm sorry but I'm not getting much inspiration for the stories. I'll still keep trying, though, so fingers crossed!

Enjoy!

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_re vera, potas bene_

**say, you sure are drinking a lot**

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"I suppose some introductions are in order," the first guy says. He's enjoying this. "Good manners and all that. I'm Damon Salvatore. This is my brother, Angsty McBroodpants."

His brother glares. "I'm Stefan," he says a little more gently. His eyes seem to soften every time he looks at Elena, who is too busy sobbing as quietly as she can to notice a cute guy with a "_hot_ back", as Bonnie would say.

"Well, I'm going to kick your ass as soon as I get out of this, you jerks," Caroline begins fiercely, straining against the ropes that burn into her skin. "You let us go—my mom is the sheriff!"

They're all tied up, sitting against the gym walls while Damon eats their sandwiches, rifles through the _Playboy_ magazines and Stefan checks the perimeters. Rebekah is fuming, Enzo is too busy trying to comfort Kol and Elena as quietly as he can while Bonnie is trying to silently convince Katherine to stop posing because her womanly charms can_not_ get them out of this mess, no matter how much she tries. In her quietest voice which is an accomplishment, Katherine insists that her Rouge Red lipstick was made for these kind of situations and Caroline mutters to them to _shut the hell up_.

Damon gasps dramatically. "Uh oh, Stef. Blondie's mom is the sheriff. We're in real trouble now." He seems to think over his words. "Crap, Stef, her mom's the _sheriff_. What are you kids doing here anyway?"

"_Kids_?" Katherine looks affronted. She'll have you know her fake id says she's _twenty two_. "You two don't look any older than us."

"My brother asked a question—what are you guys doing here?" Stefan asks. "It's school. Why would you willingly stay over?"

"We got locked in," Bonnie answers.

Caroline splutters. "Bon, stop fraternising with the enemy!"

Recognising the usual neurotic stages of Caroline Forbes, Enzo tries to calm her down. "Easy, gorgeous. Just go along with whatever they say, okay?"

"The Brit's right," Damon announces. "Do exactly what—,"

"Enzo, mate."

"_Enzo_—weird name—,"

"Says the guy named Damon with a brother called Stefan."

"Touché. Anyhoo, do what he says and you'll all be fine." He glances towards Stefan. "Why did you get locked in anyway?"

"Kol landed us all in detention." Rebekah fiddles with her ropes. She launches a smile towards Damon, wriggling her hands. Caroline's eyes flicker over and she realises what Rebekah is doing. Smart girl, she thinks and nudges Katherine. "My brother—,"

Kol looks furious. "Those are my magazines!"

Rolling her eyes at first, Caroline thinks, _ugh, Kol_, but then realises what the Mikaelson is trying to do—deflect attention off his sister as he shuffles himself in front of her. Damon laughs but Enzo is also speaking up for the magazines and the three launch into a debate about _Playboy_ magazines. Rebekah is out first, the ropes sliding off her red wrists, Caroline following quickly after. They smile innocently at Stefan, ripping off all the ropes simultaneously, leaving them in a heap behind them.

"What's the plan?" Bonnie murmurs. Katherine opens her mouth but she interrupts, "Katherine, Rouge Red lipstick is not going to help. You can't flirt your way out of this one."

Elena sniffles. Katherine rolls her eyes. "God, Elena, get a _grip_. Why are you always crying?"

"Maybe because we're locked inside the school with two psychopaths, Kat!" the twin hisses rather hysterically. "And you have always been on my case for not being tougher. I am not like you, Kat, and I will never be—so stop being so goddamn mean!"

Exchanging glances with Bonnie and Rebekah, Caroline whistles lowly as Katherine looks surprised. Rebekah interrupts, murmuring out of the corner of her mouth, "You two can resume your little spat later. Right now, we need a plan. There are six of us and two of them—we can overpower them pretty quickly. Does anybody recognise them? Do we have any kind of information on them?"

They all shake their heads.

"Nope."

"Nada."

"No."

"Does Brad Pitt hate Angelina?"

Rebekah shrugs. "Okay, then. We'll just have to use the element of surprise."

Throwing caution to the winds, she leaps up, takes a running charge at Stefan and screams, "SURPRISE, BITCH!"

Everyone else follow her lead swiftly, with Katherine proposing using her heels and Elena and Bonnie helping out Rebekah and convincing Katherine not to puncture Stefan with Jimmy Choo. Enzo, Kol and Caroline take care of Damon, Kol shouting, "_Playboy_ is a way of life, you utter prat!"

Two minutes later, the Salvatore brothers are all tied up and not in a good way. Damon groans. Blondie may look like your regular Barbie but _damn_, that punch. "Maybe we should've gone to a motel."

"You think?"

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They realise the brothers are thieves when Bonnie Googles them on one of the school computers. Kol winks at her. "Isn't she efficient?"

"Let's not forget it's your fault we're in this mess," Bonnie tells him, annoyance lacing her tone. She doesn't see the way Kol's face falls but Caroline does. "They've broken one of the school doors—we can all get out and tell the police to come and get them."

"Wait just a moment," Katherine holds a hand up. "Thieves? What'd they steal?"

Enzo reads over Bonnie's shoulder. "Diamonds, apparently. From Chicago. That's far, isn't it?"

"Diamonds?" Elena repeats. She and Katherine are still annoyed with each other, standing as far away from one another as possible. Petrovas ... they can hold a grudge like no one can. "Real diamonds?"

"No, they stole fake ones," Katherine says sarcastically. She rolls her eyes and misses the way Elena sadly bites into her bottom lip. "Let's go find these diamonds—come on."

Rebekah looks intrigued but Caroline shakes her head. "We should go to my mom first. She'll lock them up and we can finally go home."

"Hate to say it, gorgeous," Enzo smirks, "but what's the harm in looking?"

"See, that's what I said about Playboy and then Rebekah almost killed me." Kol shakes his head. "I hate that I'm actually saying it but Caroline's right. We should go to the police."

Nodding, Elena begins, "I agree. We—,"

Turning on her, Katherine bites, "Well, of course you'd agree, Good Girl Gina. You've never done anything remotely bad—,"

"Just because I haven't done anything you approve of," Elena looks angry, "doesn't mean I am any less than you, Katherine. We all know why you act out—it's because Mom and Dad died and you think drinking and partying is the best way to—,"

"SHUT UP!" Katherine shouts at her sister who is breathing heavily. "You—you don't know anything about me, _Elena_." She storms off into the direction of the office.

Letting out a low whistle, Kol raises his eyebrows. "Well, that was—,"

"Oh, for God's sake, Kol!" Angry, Rebekah continues, "It's your fault we're even in this mess in the first place! You self-centred, stupid idiot! I had things to take care of today—,"

This time, even Kol looks annoyed. "Things to take care of?" he repeats, letting out a short derisive laugh. "Like what? Your nails? Or the next boy you're going to cry over in a week because poor little Bekah is so _unloved, so unwanted_!"

A wary Caroline tries to interrupt. "Hey, guys, we should—,"

"How—," Rebekah says but her voice is cracking. She glares at Kol and says very fiercely, "You can talk, you have _no_ friends—at least I do!" before following Katherine.

Bonnie looks at Kol cautiously. She opens her mouth to say something but crimson, Kol glances at the others and marches out of the library. Elena is in the corner, crying quietly, Caroline bites her lip but she's not that close to Elena. Getting up and out of her chair, Bonnie moves to Elena's side.

There's the sound of someone clapping. "Better than any soap!" Damon's voice resounds as he enters the library. "You guys—you bring a tear to my eye. Metaphorically speaking, obviously. I don't do crying."

"How did you get out of the ropes?" Caroline demands, heart hammering away. "Where's your brother?"

"My brother and I have been in this job a long time, Blondie; we're not going to get overpowered by a bunch of hormonal teenagers with too much angst on their plates," Damon supplies with a lazy smirk. "And Stefan's gone to fetch the rest of you guys—you, no doubt, probably think we broke in but we didn't. Well, technically, we came in through a window so the doors are all still locked up."

There's a crash and a shout.

Damon rolls his eyes. "Oh, what _now_?"

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Klaus Mikaelson wipes his brow and clambers in through the open window where he drops to the ground. Still clutching his painting, he wonders—now, where to find those paintbrushes?

"Nik?"

"Kol?"

"Is that a pony?"

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**to be continued**


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